Amaranth
by aki.ari
Summary: Allen loses his memories and he's as carefree as any regular child would be. With no memories and no inhibitions, Allen has no problem dragging Kanda around to keep him company, while waiting for his memories to return. Yullen


**Amaranth**

"Oi Moyashi," Kanda called, sighing as the pale boy turned to him with a childlike grin on his face as he ran up holding out a reddish-rose colored flower.

"What the hell is this?" Kanda asked cocking a brow as he accepted the strange looking flower.

"It's a flower silly," Allen laughed lightly.

"Baka, I know it's a flower," Kanda scowled. Seemingly unperturbed by the dark glower the older man was giving him Allen just smiled.

"It's called an amaranth," Allen said "the flower you're keeping in your room is withering so I thought you could use a new one." Kanda stiffened at the statement.

"_Kanda, humor him until we can find a way to fix this," Komui said._

"And why this one?" Kanda forced out through gritted teeth.

"Because it means never fading," Allen said cheerfully. "It's a symbol of immortality. So if you keep it then you'll never fade. You'll always be safe."

"Always saying unnecessary things," Kanda sighed. "Shouldn't you be worrying more about your situation than mine?"

"But you always look so sad when you look at your flower," Allen said pouting. "If you don't want it to wither away then you should take better care of it. It's a lotus right?"

"Yeah, what of it?"' Kanda asked as he began to walk, Allen dutifully following at his side.

"They're very spiritual flowers," Allen stated, "because they grow from the dark mud and reach upwards 'till they break the water's surface. Like a journey through adversity to enlightenment or something."

"Che, a brat like you shouldn't be talking about stuff you don't understand," Kanda said, "you'll give yourself a headache."

"You're no fun," Allen frowned as he stuck his tongue out before running ahead of Kanda, laughter ringing like bells in the air.

'Baka Moyashi, so damn carefree,' Kanda thought as he followed the boy, pocketing the flower.

xXx

"What the heck do you mean he's like a different person?" Kanda asked in annoyance, having just returned from a rather unpleasant mission in Cairo and being in no mood for the shit he was hearing.

"I would say he's reverted to childhood but Allen's childhood was difficult and in no way as frivolous as he's been acting," Komui said. "Lavi said that they retrieved the innocence without a problem then Allen suddenly passed out on the train and when he woke up he was different."

"And you think I should be the one to take care of him because?" Kanda asked, brows knitted together in annoyance.

"Because, as of a day ago your lotus has only two petals left, and you aren't going on any missions for a while," Komui said.

"What? You can't be serious!" Kanda scowled. "Don't fuck with me!"

"Until further notice you won't be going anywhere," Komui said, "Allen is probably in the cafeteria with Lenalee right now. Go and introduce yourself."

"Che, what about the baka Usagi, can't he babysit the brat?" Kanda asked.

"Lavi went to meet Bookman to see if they can find anything out about Allen's condition," Komui said, "and you're not babysitting, it's not like anything is physically wrong with him. All I'm asking you to do is spend time with him."

"The hell?" Kanda glared. "What the fuck is the purpose of this order?"

"When you see him, you'll understand," Komui sighed. "I would rather someone keeps him company at all times but I'm not asking that much, just a couple hours a day."

"And what do you propose I do with him in those hours?" Kanda asked reluctantly.

"Talk to him, train with him, see if his body remembers anything," Komui shrugged. "Now go."

"Che," Kanda huffed as he stalked out of the office.

xXx

"Kanda, over here," Lenalee called as the navy haired male entered the cafeteria. Screwing up his resolve Kanda walked over to the table. Two large silver eyes caught Kanda's cobalt gaze as he approached, the expression on Allen's face causing the male to do a double take. A sincere smile adorned Allen's cherubic face as the boy scooted over so there'd be room for Kanda to sit next to him.

"Allen, do you remember Kanda?" Lenalee asked as the older male took a seat next to the euphoric boy.

"No," Allen sighed before grinning, "I'm sorry I don't remember you, apparently I lost my memory."

"Shouldn't you be a bit more depressed about that?" Kanda asked glancing at Lenalee who gave a shrug.

"Why? Being depressed isn't going to solve anything," Allen said, "plus everyone I've met have been so nice to me so what more could I want?"

'This is just too strange,' Kanda thought. Ever since he'd met Allen the boy had always had a false front on, the sincerity in his expression, not to mention the overflowing joy was almost unnerving. Allen had been nothing but fake smiles and sweet yet empty words since the ark and the whole issue with the Noah.

"Where's the kid's stalker?" Kanda asked Lenalee suddenly realizing the absence of the blonde haired male.

"Link went back to central, something about Allen's condition and the fourteenth," Lenalee said sighing, "it doesn't really make sense but he'll be back in a couple of days."

"Kanda," Allen said drawing said male's attention.

"What?" Kanda asked, the irritated look not leaving his features.

"You want to do something?" Allen asked cocking his head to the side cutely.

"No, why the hell would I-" Kanda grunted as Lenalee kicked him under the table. "What do you have in mind?"

"A walk," Allen said, "Lenalee said she has to get ready for a mission and I'm not allowed to go out by myself." 'What the fuck? Is he two?' Kanda thought eye twitching in irritation.

"Che, where to?" Kanda bit out roughly.

"What's the fun if there's a destination?" Allen said as he stood grabbing Kanda's hand as he urged Kanda to hurry, "come on." Lenalee's eyes were alight with amusement as she tried to stifle her laughter, waving as Kanda was tugged reluctantly out of the cafeteria by a very excited snowy haired exorcist.

xXx

"Time to head back," Kanda said watching Allen spin to face him with a pout on his face.

"But the stars aren't out yet," Allen said.

"Baka Moyashi, get your ass over here," Kanda snapped as the young boy sulkily made his way back to his side, "I agreed to go on a walk with you, not go star gazing."

"How come you're so stiff anyway, it's like you never do stuff without a plan," Allen frowned, "things are more fun when you don't know what's going to happen next."

"Yeah, and then after you've had your spontaneous fun you'll end up in a ditch somewhere," Kanda said, "what'll you do when that happens?"

"Well I'd get up and keep going silly, nothing comes of standing still," Allen laughed. "If you fall, stand up and keep walking 'cause one day you'll be dead and you won't be able to walk anymore. Might as well make the most of the time you have right?"

"You're sure nonchalant about death," Kanda muttered as they headed back towards HQ.

"Death is just an extension of living right? After all, that's the goal everyone is working towards," Allen said. "It's only a new state of existence."

"But you don't know what comes after you die," Kanda said.

"And therein lies the fun," Allen grinned, "if you know what's going to happen then it's nothing to be fearful of and there is no motivation to achieve as much as you can while you're alive."

"Somehow I don't think you used to think like this," Kanda said.

"Well I'm different aren't I?" Allen said, "just like you."

"What shit are you going on about now?" Kanda sighed in exasperation, this cheerful and talkative Allen was much too exhausting than the Allen he was used to.

"We're not the same people as we were last year, yesterday or even a minute ago," Allen said, "that part of us is gone forever and we'll never be them again. We only exist from moment to moment and that time we'll never get back."

"Now you're just spouting nonsense," Kanda said shooting Allen a glare.

"Perhaps," Allen said shrugging as he ran over to the boats, hopping in and picking up a paddle.

xXx

"This is your room," Kanda said before heading off to yell at Komui.

"Kanda," Allen called causing the male to pause in his stride, "thanks for keeping me company, I know it was unpleasant for you but I really appreciated it."

"Che," Kanda muttered as he continued on his way. 'How the heck did this even happen?' Kanda wondered as Allen's cheerfully grinning face lit a place in his mind.

xXx

"Kanda," Allen called into the training hall, peering back and forth in hopes of finding the older male.

"What do you want?" Kanda asked walking out from behind a pillar to Allen's right.

"Good morning," Allen smiled as he ran over to the male. "Komui said that you'd be here and that we were supposed to train together." Kanda's aura darkened as he thought of ways he could slaughter the scientist without getting caught.

"So what kind of training do you do?" Allen asked as he glanced at the sword hanging from Kanda's waist. "Sword training?"

"Che, can you even invoke?" Kanda asked setting aside his murderous thoughts for the moment.

"You're talking about the innocence thing right?" Allen asked "I can but…"'

"But what?" Kanda pressed when Allen had trailed off, seeming to be thinking.

"Nothing, never mind," Allen said quickly, a bright smile back on his face, "so what do you want me to do?"

"Invoke your damn innocence and we'll spar," Kanda sighed feeling his patience already at its zenith. Nodding Allen closed his eyes for a moment as he took a breath to focus. When he opened his eyes his innocence glowed and he was cloaked in Crown Clown, mask hanging about his neck.

Without warning Kanda drew Mugen and attacked. Dodging the onslaught of precise movements with a strange sort of instinct, Allen caught the blade in his left hand and slid forward punching Kanda in the stomach. The navy haired male slid back a couple feet, frowning as he shot Allen a glare.

"Baka, I'm not holding back, so you better not or else I'll kill you," Kanda said.

"But this is just training right?" Allen asked as he flipped out of the way of another attack.

"And if you don't go all out it's meaningless," Kanda said as he nicked Allen in the arm as the boy stumbled out of the way of Mugen's blade. Wincing at the minor flesh wound, silver glanced up to meet serious cobalt.

Cutting Mugen's arc short with his left arm, Allen dropped to support himself on his right hand, feet swinging up and knocking Mugen from Kanda's hand. A clattering of metal resounded through the room as the boy dropped back to standing on his feet, stumbling back to avoid a punch from the shocked navy haired male. It wasn't easy to make him loose his grip on Mugen, yet Allen – this Allen that didn't remember anything – had managed to do so without using his Crown Clown as anything but a shield from the attack.

A few quick movements and Kanda was grasping Mugen again, slashing at Allen, who was doing little more than blocking and dodging the glimmering blade.

"Tired already?" Kanda asked not understanding Allen's sudden, defensive tactics.

"Sorry," Allen replied softly as his innocence deactivated and he leaned back against a pillar for support.

It was far from strange that Allen was actually tired from such a slight tussle – the boy had far more stamina and will than this. The question had been mocking, to get the boy angry like he was used to doing – Kanda hadn't even considered that Allen would actually be tired.

Cobalt eyes raked over Allen's heavily breathing form, landing on the blood dripping from his left arm where he'd caught Mugen.

"Let me see," Kanda said gesturing to Allen's left hand as he sheathed Mugen. Allen extended the black arm to the samurai who took the limb and glanced at the cuts that shouldn't have been there. He distinctly remembered all the times he'd fought with Allen and there being only scratches on the boy's innocence – it had never bled when he deactivated. Something was definitely off about the whole situation.

"Baka, you don't catch a sword's blade with your hand," Kanda muttered as he pulled Allen away from the pillar.

"Where are we going?" Allen asked as he stumbled awkwardly after the older male.

"To the infirmary," Kanda muttered in annoyance.

"But its fine really," Allen said, "and there are bandages in my room." At this Kanda stopped and turned his gaze on Allen, cobalt eyes narrowing as he scrutinized the blank look on the boy's face. A few question rose at the statement, the most upsetting being, why would Allen have his own supply of bandages in his room – was he patching himself up after getting hurt to avoid troubling anyone?

"We'll go to your room then, but those injuries have to be tended to," Kanda said as he changed course towards the living quarters. Following silently, Allen heaved a sigh. For some reason Kanda fussing over the small injuries bothered him – as though it was something that shouldn't be happening.

When Allen opened the door to his room Kanda hadn't expected to see the torn up clothing lying at the foot of the bed, dusty and blood streaked from previous missions.

"Sorry I haven't really bothered to clean up since I lost my memories," Allen muttered as he walked into the bathroom where rolls of bandages and some scattered medical supplies laid around the sink.

"Give me your hand," Kanda said as he ran the water in the sink. When Allen didn't immediately outstretch the wounded appendage, Kanda reached over and tugged him closer, holding the boy's hand under the cold water. The water ran rusty red, fading to pink as it spiraled down the drain. Once satisfied Kanda carefully dried Allen's hand and pushed him towards the bed.

"Sit," Kanda ordered as he grabbed a roll of bandages off the counter by the sink. Flopping back onto the bed, Allen stared at the wound with mild interest. 'It's crying,' Allen thought as he felt a mild pain resonating through his body, originating from his heart and left arm.

Allen looked up when Kanda began to bandage his arm, winding the thick white gauze around his wounds. A strand of navy hair slid over Kanda's shoulder, tickling Allen's palm as he tied off the bandage halfway up Allen's arm.

Cobalt looked up from his patch job to see silver staring intently up at him, and without warning he'd become lost in those metallic pools.

xXx

"It's just a four day mission," Komui said, "I need someone I can trust to get the job done."

"Che, what is it?" Kanda asked, annoyed with Komui's attitude. It had been just over a week since the idiotic male asked Kanda to spend time with Allen and the task wasn't getting any easier – Kanda was learning more and more about the boy – much more than he'd ever have wanted to know. He was so cheerful and talkative and damnably idiotic that Kanda was sure the boy would be the end of him.

"There's a finder in the town over that has a package I'd like you to bring to me," Komui said, a strange glint in his eyes as he thought about the _secret _contents of the box.

"Get someone else to get your damn box," Kanda snapped in annoyance. Sure he wanted to go on a mission but there was no way in hell he was going to be some delivery boy.

"Fine, but I'd have liked not to send Allen out when he doesn't even remember what akuma are, or who the Noah are," Komui said heaving a sigh as he casually sipped his coffee "and God forbid, should he run into the Earl in his state."

"I'll go," Kanda said through gritted teeth as he shot a murderous glare at the scientist.

"Great, you'll leave in an hour!" Komui beamed as he ushered Kanda out the door.

xXx

"Kanda!" Allen called as he ran down the stairs to the docks.

"What?" the navy haired male asked, none to happy with his situation as he noted the bright smile on the infantile face.

"Have a safe trip," Allen said grinning. Kanda's gaze softened slightly as he took in the strange feelings that rose from having the younger boy see him off.

"Che, baka Moyashi," Kanda scoffed looking away from the smaller boy as he climbed into the boat, "stay out of trouble."

"Bye!" Allen called as he waved from the edge of the docks. Kanda didn't bother acknowledging the boy but briefly hoped that he had enough sense not to fall into the water while waving his unneeded goodbye.

xXx

"Walker," Link called into the dark room.

"Link, when did you get back?" Allen asked groggily as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"About an hour ago," Link replied as he walked into the room, "any progress with your memories?" Allen shook his head in the negative as he yawned.

"I have something for you to drink, it's a medicine that's used to help amnesia patients regain their memories," Link said as he filled a glass with water by the sink and stirred a grayish looking powder into it. Silver eyes locked on the glass wearily for a moment before accepting it. Bringing the liquid to his lips Allen sighed as the cool water rolled over his tongue, leaving a bitter tang in its wake.

"When will we know if it's worked?" Allen asked as he set the empty glass down on the bedside table.

"Go back to sleep and when you wake up we'll see if it's worked," Link said. Nodding, droopy eyelids fell over silver eyes as Allen succumbed to his disturbed slumber.

xXx

"Is he alright?" Kanda asked. Having just returned from his _mission,_ the male had expected Allen to be waiting for him by the docks grinning and waving like an idiot. When Komui had told him Allen was sick the samurai didn't really know how to take the news.

"I don't know," Lenalee said as she closed Allen's door behind her. She too had just returned from her mission and had gone to see if he'd regained any of his memories, not expecting him to have fallen ill. "Link brought something back for him and then his body started over heating." Glancing to the door Kanda looked back to the flustered expression shining in amethyst eyes.

"Oi Moyashi, you alright?" Kanda asked as he entered the dimly lit room.

"Kanda, you're back!" Allen smiled sitting up in bed, "welcome home."

"Yeah," Kanda muttered.

"Can we go look at the stars?" Allen asked, silver eyes shining expectantly, "everyone's had me cooped up in here for four days and I've been really bored."

"How's your temperature?" Kanda asked.

"They said its high but I feel fine," Allen grinned up at the older male cutely.

"Walker, drink some water and go to sleep," Link said as he entered the room, holding out the glass of water to the pale boy.

"But Kanda and I were going to go and look at the stars," Allen pouted.

"You're in no condition to go anywhere," Link chastised.

"Weren't you the one to put him in this state?" Kanda glowered.

"It was supposed to stir his memories but it had an adverse effect," Link said unperturbed by the cold look and unpleasant insinuations.

"But I'm fine," Allen insisted tugging on the edge of Link's sleeve, large silver eyes shinning innocently up at the inspector. Link's eye twitched as he stared down into the pleading stardust eyes.

xXx

"Look aren't the stars pretty?" Allen asked as he ran out into the field, head upturned and arms out stretched as he spun about.

"Baka don't get so excited, you'll wear yourself out," Kanda snapped as he walked over to the smaller boy. "Your stalker only let you out 'cause of that face you made, so as far as I'm concerned you're too weak to be up and about like this."

"I already told you that I'm fine," Allen said frowning, "I'm not as weak as you think."

"Che, as if I could believe that from a brat with no memories," Kanda scoffed.

"Were we not on good terms?" Allen asked after a few extended moments of silence.

"What's with this all of a sudden?" Kanda asked catching the silver gaze with his own. Allen studied Kanda's expression for a moment before smiling.

"No reason," Allen said as he flopped down into the grass, eyes once again upturned to the sparkling diamonds set about the indigo backdrop.

"You make no sense," Kanda sighed as he sat next to Allen. The two sat in silence for what seemed like hours, Allen staring up at the sky with a serious expression marring his face, while Kanda stared at him wondering what was troubling the boy. Glancing up at the stars when Allen sighed, Kanda found the sight to be rather breathtaking – for him it wouldn't be of much note but the pale glow of the moon reminded him of the boy lying beside him, and the twinkling stars his cheerfully grinning face.

"They said that something's wrong with me," Allen said, "with this body." At the strange statement Kanda glanced down at the pale boy bathed in moonlight.

"Did you know that this body is dying?" Kanda was silent, he knew Allen was a parasitic type and there was a higher demand on the users' body but if Allen was dying it meant that his innocence had drained him of all his life's energy. "It's God's will, whatever that means."

"Do you believe in God?" Kanda asked.

"Should I?" Allen asked frowning. "I believe that all those ridiculous concepts like God and time and good and evil are just byproducts of human insecurity. They seek meaning for their lives and when they can't find it they exalt an idea, blindly placing their faith in it, doing terrible things justifiable by their conjured God. Then they scapegoat others because their _God_ can't possibly be at fault." Kanda was silent, brows knitting together.

"I believe that if there was a God, he'd not want such trivial fighting and such people speaking with blasphemous tongues as they condemned others of their kind to persecution and death. I believe that if there is a God and he allows such tyranny and chaos he doesn't deserve to be exalted," Allen said, hands reaching up to the sky.

Of all the time Kanda's known Allen, prior to memory loss and now, the navy haired male had never heard such a darkly cynical claim from the infantile boy before him.

"What do you believe in Kanda?" Allen asked.

"I believe in my sword. A samurai's sword is his soul. It's nothing fancy but it's easy enough and it eliminates all that useless philosophical crap. It's no use in the battlefield anyway," Kanda said and Allen smiled.

"Look a shooting star, make a wish!" Allen exclaimed as a glowing rock streaked across the sky.

"You don't believe in God but you believe in wishes?" Kanda smirked.

"I believe in dreams," Allen said rolling over to look at Kanda, "everyone has dreams, but as stipulated by the definition of the word, they're idle hopes that are impractical and unlikely to ever be realized."

"Baka Moyashi," Kanda scoffed, "quit sounding so depressing."

"Sorry," Allen smiled, "I just-" Allen was cut off by a fit of coughing, abruptly sitting up, hand fisted in the fabric over his heart.

"Oi you…what's wrong?" Kanda asked unable to mask the concern in his voice.

"No…thi…ng," Allen made out between coughs.

"Nothing my ass, let's get you back inside," Kanda said making to lift Allen.

"Not yet," Allen said, "please."

"You're sick, this was a bad idea," Kanda said. A pale hand grabbed Kanda's as silver eyes beseeched his cooperation. Sighing Kanda rested a hand on Allen's back, rubbing soothing circles until the coughing fit subsided.

"Care to tell me what's going on?" Kanda asked.

"That thing Link gave me kind of-" Allen started.

"I know it didn't work, tell me something I don't know," Kanda snapped. Allen said nothing as he turned away from Kanda.

"There's nothing else," Allen muttered. Cobalt eyes followed the boy skeptically, but didn't press the subject.

xXx

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Allen asked as he followed Kanda through the halls.

"No," Kanda said. Allen's temperature had finally returned to normal – it'd only taken a week for him to get over. After the night out and the coughing fit, Link wouldn't allow Allen to go out so he was ecstatic when he was deemed alright by the stiff backed inspector.

For the currently passing week Allen had sought as much time with Kanda as the older male would allow, having grown fond of the aloof company.

"Please," Allen begged as he tugged on Kanda's sleeve.

"Why?" Kanda asked in annoyance at Allen's persistence.

"I don't want to be alone," Allen said softly.

"Fine, but don't touch anything and don't say anything," Kanda sighed in exasperation as he opened his door and allowed Allen into the room.

When Allen entered the room, his eyes raked over everything, observing the sparse items in the room and landing finally on the lotus in the glass on the table. It was beautiful with its pale glow, though he noted the few remaining petals and the somber look in the cobalt eyes.

Kanda waited, knowing that Allen would soon say something about the strangeness of the flower in his room and why it's withering. But Allen remained silent just as he had been ordered and sat at the edge of the bed, following Kanda's movements with his eyes.

"You're being rather quiet," Kanda said after a while of silence.

"You told me not to say anything," Allen said simply causing Kanda to smirk.

"Move over," Kanda said, "what are you doing?" the navy haired male asked when Allen stood from the bed.

"You said-" Allen started.

"To move over, you _were_ planning on sleeping right?" Kanda asked a brow cocked in amused questioning.

"But _with_ you?" Allen asked surprised by the implication and by the attractive smirk adorning Kanda's normally stiff features.

"Get in," Kanda gestured to the bed as he flicked off the light switch and climbed in after Allen.

"Goodnight Kanda," Allen said softly, not expecting the male to respond.

"Night Moyashi," Kanda said, pulling the blanket up over them both. He wasn't entirely sure why he was allowing this kind of closeness with the smaller boy, or why he seemed to be enjoying it, but either way he was content with the boy at his side.

xXx

When morning came Allen found himself curled up in a warm embrace, Kanda's arm acting as his pillow. A bright blush painted his cheeks as he shut his eyes, tugging the covers over his head, having noted the fact that Kanda was awake and watching him silently with those stormy cobalt eyes.

"Oi brat," Kanda smirked pulling back the covers, "don't you think you've slept enough?"

"Sorry," Allen mumbled as he hastily made to extricate himself from Kanda's arms, foot getting caught in the sheets with his spastic movements as he tumbled to the ground with a loud thud. Groaning as he rubbed his head Allen was pulled to his feet by the older male.

"Baka Moyashi," Kanda muttered, "are you always this energetic when you wake up?" Allen frowned at the teasing and stuck his tongue out at the older male in response. Shaking his head Kanda stood and walked into the adjoining bathroom.

Silence veiled the room as Allen glanced to the closed bathroom door, then to the melancholy flower on the table.

"Can we go for a walk after breakfast?" Allen asked smiling up at Kanda when the navy haired male walked out of the bathroom.

"You don't ever get tired of wandering aimlessly do you?" Kanda sighed as he decided to humor the now pouting boy. "Che, don't give me that look, I didn't say we couldn't." expression instantly brightening Allen ran to the door a grin on his face as he said something about seeing him at the cafeteria before dashing out into the hall.

xXx

'Even without his memories…always the altruistic fool,' Kanda thought as he removed the amaranth from his pocket, the reddish blooms looking much more lively than the lonely lotus.

Kanda didn't like flowers, they were useless, yet he found himself holding the delicate symbol of immortality with a kind of reverence. Perhaps it was because of the way Allen had smiled when he'd given him the flower? Or the way the boy had said it'd keep him safe with that hopeful and utterly youthful innocence.

xXx

"Where does it hurt?" Kanda asked brows furrowing as he turned Allen over, forcing him to uncurl from the ball he'd rolled into. Allen said nothing, unable to think past the pain searing through him. Panting and gasping for air as he clutched at his chest Allen felt calloused hands wrap around his hands, pinning them to either side of his writhing form.

The two had been sparring and though not expressing his fatigue as he had the previous times they'd tousled, Allen had broken down in pain, innocence deactivating of its own accord and leaving the boy a mess of tears and agonized wails on the floor of the training hall.

"Allen!" Kanda snapped trying to draw the boy's attention, "look at me!" Silver eyes cracked open, looking up through teary blurs to the navy haired samurai hovering over him. Stern cobalt eyes locked with the tear filled silver ones as he moved a hand from Allen's arm and pressed it over the boy's heart, feeling the rapid pulse.

"Breathe slowly," Kanda ordered as he lifted Allen into his arms, "we're going to the infirmary, your heart shouldn't be beating that fast." Allen tried to do as he was told, but his breaths still came in short gasps and he was becoming dizzy from the pain pulsing though him.

'It's crying, the innocence is crying,' Allen thought as it resonated through him painfully.

"Oh God what happened?" the head nurse asked as Kanda kicked open the infirmary doors.

"We were training, then his heart started beating erratically and it's causing him pain," Kanda said as he placed Allen down on an operating bed, his slim limbs being strapped into the leather bindings to keep him immobile.

After what seemed like hours the nurse had managed to calm Allen down and stabilize his heart. Leaving to speak with Komui about Allen's condition, Kanda was left in the room with him.

"Last time you were going to say something about invoking your innocence and you said never mind, what was it?" Kanda asked taking a seat beside the hospital bed.

"Nothing," Allen said not looking at Kanda.

"What were you going to say?" Kanda pressed, the urgency building in his voice, "I need to know." He was met with silence as Allen ignored him.

"I asked you if you would invoke and you said _yes but_…yes but what?" Kanda growled menacingly.

"It hurts," Allen muttered giving in to the angry male.

"Hurts?" Kanda said unsure of what Allen meant.

"When I invoke it hurts," Allen said.

"Did you tell Komui this?" Kanda asked. If Komui had known surely he'd not have told him to spar with Allen.

"I didn't want to worry him?" Allen said, silver brows knitting together as he frowned.

"Baka, why the fuck didn't you say something sooner?" Kanda snapped. "Shit like this is important! The nurse said if you push your innocence and something's wrong it could reject you." Allen said nothing, not understanding the urgency in Kanda's voice as he was reprimanded.

xXx

"The innocence isn't exactly rejecting him, but it must realize that something is wrong with Allen and is confused," Komui muttered. "This is bad."

"What now?" Kanda asked as he walked in on the scientist muttering to himself.

"Oh Kanda, hello," Komui said acknowledging the male's presence before a troubled look settled upon his face. "Well Allen's only living because of his innocence."

"What do you mean he's only living because of his innocence?" Kanda asked, brows furrowing in thought.

"That's right, you don't know," Komui mumbled, pulling of his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose as if fighting back an oncoming headache.

"Don't know what?" Kanda asked, tired of all the useless conversation and ready for some answers.

"The Noah of Pleasure almost killed Allen. Before the incident in Edo Allen's innocence was shattered and his heart was punctured. So he should have died," Komui said, pausing out of dramatic effect or serious contemplation Kanda wasn't sure, "but his innocence acted of its own volition and patched up the hole in his heart. Then at the Asian headquarters Allen worked to get his innocence back. While not a part of him it had taken to a mist like form and was just hovering in the air."

"Is that even possible?" Kanda asked, setting aside his anger at the fact that the boy had almost died and he'd never known.

"I'd say no, but it happened so clearly it is possible," Komui heaved a troubled sigh. "If Allen's innocence causes him pain when he invokes, he's probably having pain in his heart too. If the innocence somehow decided it doesn't accept this Allen then chances are it will stop acting as a patch on his heart and he'll die."

Of all the things Kanda had expected that hadn't been it, Allen had more problems than he'd let on. It was no wonder his smiles had always been forced – not that anyone really picked up on that when he was prattling on about persevering and saving everyone. A few sweet words and a bright smile was all it took to convince everyone that Allen Walker was always alright. To think, he'd even lost his innocence for a time – it must have been excruciatingly painful for him. Not everyone could pick themselves up after such a defeat and still say they want to save.

"Any idea as to what caused his memory loss yet?" Kanda asked.

"I don't think anything caused it," Komui said suddenly, having forgotten to mention his theory earlier with all the commotion, "I think Allen may have snapped under all the pressure and this is the result of him trying to cope."

"You're saying he decided to forget everything and he just did?" Kanda asked incredulously, as if the scientist had finally lost all semblance of rational thought.

"I'm saying his conflictions may have manifested in his subconscious as a suppressant on his memories," Komui said.

"It's the innocence!" Lavi yelled bursting through the door and startling Komui into falling over a stack of papers. "The innocence from our mission did affect him! It was dormant in the city but it acted upon Allen's insecurities because they were so strong. After a bit of digging into the strange occurrences of that town's past, I found several cases of people suddenly loosing all their memories and seeming as though they are a different person."

"I was partially right," Komui pouted, damning the innocence for putting a dent in his theory.

"Yeah, though he doesn't remember anything, it's Allen," Lavi said "the innocence suppressed everything that was causing him pain, meaning the fourteenth, the Order, innocence, and even his childhood."

"How do we snap him out of it?" Kanda asked.

"Well there's something in particular that would have triggered the innocence's activation; a specifically strong inhibition or source of agony. Whatever incident or insecurity that caused the innocence to activate is still present in Allen, we just need to find out what it is and reassure him."

"How the fuck are we supposed to do that baka Usagi?" Kanda scowled at the foolhardy suggestion. How were they supposed to determine what Allen's problem is? And what's more, how the heck were they supposed to _reassure him_? Reassure him of what, everything's going to be fine, or it's not his fault? There could be millions of things the boy was fussing over, Allen was just that kind of person who worried about everything and felt guilty if he couldn't save everyone.

"I don't know," Lavi frowned, "but it shouldn't be too difficult."

xXx

"Hurry," Allen whispered as he dragged Kanda down the stairs to the docks. It was two in the morning, when Allen snuck into Kanda's room begging to go out. The samurai had adamantly refused and gave him the best and most menacing glare he could muster in his sleep drunken state, but it hadn't been enough to deter the young boy.

"You still haven't told me where we're going and why it had to be now," Kanda grunted as he was yanked into a boat, Allen picking up the oar and pushing off from the dock. Allen said nothing as they continued down the canal until they were clear of the Order.

"Come on," Allen said as he grabbed Kanda's hand, tugging to get the older male to follow him off the boat. Sighing Kanda allowed the pale boy to lead him to wherever it was he wanted to go, he'd yell at him later.

A few minutes later found the two exorcists on a train. It was fairly empty, no more than a couple passengers in the train car. Allen took a seat, pulling Kanda down next to him as he stared out the window.

"Why the fuck are we on a train?" Kanda asked, eyes narrowed at the smaller boy who turned to him with a smile.

"Well if we'd walked, we wouldn't make it in time for sunrise," Allen said.

"You better tell me where the fuck we're going right now or else I'll toss you off the train," Kanda growled, grabbing Allen's collar and forcing the boy to face him.

"The port," Allen replied smiling, as if the navy haired male hadn't just threatened to throw him off a speeding train. "Well actually it's a cliff overseeing the port."

"If you wanted to kill yourself, why'd you bring me?" Kanda asked releasing Allen.

"We're going to watch the sunrise over the horizon," Allen said grinning, "it's supposed to be really pretty when the fiery colors splay across the water's surface."

"We left the Order without permission because you wanted to see the damn sunrise?" Kanda asked incredulously. He just couldn't understand what went through the cursed boys' head – Allen was an enigma plain and simple.

"Do you enjoy screwing with me?" Kanda asked with an exasperated sigh.

"Are you angry with me?" Allen asked smile fading from his face.

"You could have gone by yourself," Kanda said.

"I wanted to share this with you," Allen said cocking his head to the side, as he looked up at Kanda through his snowy locks. The older male wasn't sure if the damnably adorable looks were intentional or if Allen was simply oblivious of how vulnerable and appealing he looked when he pouted those deliciously pink lips. But whatever the case, it was difficult to ignore.

"Che," Kanda scoffed as he turned away from the pouting boy, "I'm not angry with you." A sweet smile broke out on Allen's face as he turned his gaze to the window.

"We're here," Allen said standing as he saw the train station coming into view.

"Oi sit down," Kanda said as the train jerked pulling into station.

"But we're her-ahh," Allen yelped as he lost his footing as the train jolted to a stop, landing half sprawled in Kanda's lap. Allen's cheeks flushed scarlet as he scrambled to his feet, apologies spilling forth.

"Quit apologizing, you could stand to listen more often though," Kanda said as he stood, "come on, you said we had to hurry right?" Blinking as silver eyes met cobalt, a smile painted Allen's face as he nodded.

xXx

"It's just this way," Allen said as he ran up the hill, his excitement almost tangible in the air. Kanda followed at a more subdued pace, not quite able to comprehend the contentment he felt watching Allen smile so sincerely. It seemed right somehow, this kind of joy fit Allen much better than the mask of happiness he wore. Kanda had never believed Allen was suited to war, he was much too kind hearted for the violent business. Now more than ever he was sure the boy didn't deserve such a dark life.

"Look we made it," Allen called from the cliffs edge looking out at the sea. The sun was just beginning to peer over the horizon, golden rays flecked with reds and oranges bleeding into the water and illuminating the sky with dawn. Kanda watched Allen, bathed in the glistening light; it was a different kind of beauty than when he had been under the moonlight. He looked more alive, his silver eyes alight with a vibrant orange.

"I don't know how, but for some reason I have a feeling I've always wanted to do something like this," Allen said smiling, "even the innocence is singing."

"Innocence?" Kanda asked.

"It resonates like a voice," Allen said, "up 'till now it's mostly been crying, it's painful and there's this overwhelming sadness. I think right now it's at peace."

Kanda was silent as he watched Allen. 'It would make sense if his innocence was the thing bothering him,' Kanda thought. Allen had always been conscientious of his innocence, especially since he found out about the fourteenth. That incident with the level four and his innocence attacking him hadn't helped either.

"You know, it responds to its user," Kanda said looking out at the sky.

"Huh?" Allen turned to Kanda, questioning in his honey tinted orbs.

"If you're agitated it will be too," Kanda said, "it's not your fault it's been acting up." Allen said nothing though a smile of thanks lit his delicate features.

xXx

"Kanda, can I spar with you?" Allen asked as he entered the training hall.

"No," Kanda said, "you're just going to get yourself stuck in the infirmary again."

"I can't take anymore of Lavi and Komui psychoanalyzing me," Allen pouted, "please, I'll tell you if anything starts going wrong."

"Fine, but you're not allowed to invoke," Kanda said.

They started out slowly, with basic attacks and counters, both moving in synch with a kind of practiced elegance before getting more immersed in the match.

Allen dodged Mugen, catching Kanda with a kick in the side of the head before getting shifted and tossed back into a wall. Pushing himself up Allen barely avoided another attack from the navy haired male. Laughing lightly Allen kept dancing just out of reach and likewise he couldn't land a hit on Kanda.

Just as Kanda was about to attack again Allen stopped moving, pain creasing his features. Without a second thought Kanda sheathed Mugen, moving forward and catching Allen before he fell.

"How bad is it?" Kanda asked as he felt small hands fisting in his clothing, a moment later Allen's body went limp and Kanda slowly lowered the boy to the ground, noticing that he wasn't conscious. Checking for his pulse Kanda paled. It was so faint it was barely noticeable and he wasn't breathing.

"Moyashi," Kanda said urgently as he stretched Allen out, supporting the nape of his neck as he tilted his head back. Loosening the ribbon around Allen's neck, Kanda slid it out and tossed it to the floor before quickly unbuttoning his shirt.

Pressing his lips against Allen's and pinching his nose shut Kanda forced air into Allen's lungs, watching as his chest rose. Breaking away he watched as his chest fell before repeating for another couple of breaths. Checking for Allen's pulse again Kanda noted that he could no longer feel the weak throbbing of blood being pumped.

Kanda placed his hands over Allen's chest and began compressions. He had to keep Allen's heart beating until someone came by – it was too risky to move him with no pulse and no breath – he would surely die before he could get to the infirmary.

Pumping Allen's heart Kanda felt worry build in him when the boy wasn't responding to the respiratory assistance. Setting aside his fear for Allen's life, Kanda concentrated on matching the compressions with his own heart beat.

"Come on damn it," Kanda grunted as he leaned over pressing his lips against Allen's again as he forced air into his lungs.

"Yuu have you seen – holy shit!" Lavi exclaimed as he walked in just as Kanda pressed his lips against Allen's again.

"Oi Usagi, he's not breathing get the nurse!" Kanda snapped when he came up and resumed the compressions. Noting the urgency and determining the samurai hadn't developed an inappropriate kind of humor Lavi dashed off to do as he was bidden.

"Damn it Allen, don't you dare die on me!" Kanda snapped as he continued with the chest compressions. "Whatever happened that's got you this conflicted just screw it to hell 'cause your innocence is not going to reject you, not with that damnably naïve resolve of yours!"

'A voice?' Allen thought as Kanda's voice wove its way through his hazy thoughts, 'Kanda.' Allen's eyes shot open as he gasped, air filling his lungs.

"Kanda, what…" Allen groaned softly as his heart started beating again, having been matched to Kanda's.

"You damn idiot, if you couldn't go anymore you should have said something," Kanda snapped, "you could have died!"

"Kanda, where are we?" Allen asked as he tried to sit up only to feel a sharp pain in his heart, "what's going on?"

"Allen?" Kanda asked, brows creasing as he caught the boy behind the head before he hit the floor.

"Are you alright? You just called me by my name," Allen said.

"What was the last mission you had?" Kanda asked.

"That one with Lavi and we were coming back in the train…speaking of which how did I get here, and with you...what's with that expression?"

"You almost died," Kanda said standing, "you're just as insufferable when you don't have any memories as you are now." Silver brows knitted together in confusion as Allen tried to sit up again, throwing himself into a fit of coughing, heart aching. What he hadn't expected was Kanda to crouch back down and put a hand behind his back to support him.

"How is he?" Lavi asked as he ran through the doors with the head nurse and several others behind him.

"You're late baka," Kanda muttered as he handed Allen over to the medical team, ignoring his silent questioning.

xXx

"He doesn't remember the last two months," Komui said, "which I suppose is only natural in a situation like this."

"So everything is back the way it was?" Lavi asked sparing a glance at Kanda, who was across the room leaning against the wall in silence, his trademark scowl in place.

"Yes," Komui said, "if he doesn't recall anything that's happened over the past two months then it's like he simply lost that time."

"Che, I don't need to hear this," Kanda muttered as he turned to the door, making a beeline to his room to meditate. He needed to calm down, all the useless emotions were clouding his mind and now that Allen was back to normal he didn't have to humor him. He didn't have to care.

Even as he took position on his bed and focused his breathing, he couldn't stop thinking about the damn white haired brat. It was still Allen, everything the boy had told him everything they had done together had all been Allen, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of regret that the white haired boy didn't remember anything. He'd not even wanted Allen to regain his memories, thinking it'd be better for him to live a more carefree life and bask in the sun like normal children his age.

He was most upset that the boy didn't remember him. It wasn't a petty sort of bitterness arising from not being credited for the time he'd spent with the boy, nothing of the sort. He had wanted Allen to remember their interactions and how he would be there for him to catch him when he fell. He knew such a thing was rather cliché but he'd wanted the boy to know that he didn't have to hide all the time, not in front of him at least, if it would make living any easier. After all, Allen's troubles far outweighed the burden of what one person could reasonably carry, and it was always growing.

"Damn it, I don't care if he doesn't remember anything," Kanda growled as he gave up on meditating. A few minutes of silence later there was a soft rapping at his door.

"Um Kanda," Allen called from the other side of the door.

"What?" Kanda asked opening the door, a scowl on his face and annoyance in his cobalt eyes.

"About yesterday-" Allen started.

"Forget about it, just…" Kanda trailed off, following Allen's gaze to the amaranth sitting in a small vase next to his lotus.

"That flower…ngahh!" Allen's eyes widened as he let out an anguished scream, hands flying to his head as his knees buckled.

"Oi!" Kanda caught the falling boy, lowering him to the ground carefully.

Memories from the past two months wrecked havoc through Allen's mind, Kanda being in almost all those memories – his carefree self and how the older male had not only humored him in ridiculous things such as star gazing but had taken care of him.

When it was all over Allen's head was spinning as he looked up through glazed vision to see concerned cobalt eyes, then everything went black and the last thing he heard was Kanda screaming his name.

xXx

"He seems fine. Something must have triggered his memories," Komui said. "It was probably too much for him to take and caused that headache. It was a possibility that his memories of the past two months would have come back gradually but whatever triggered it must have been really significant to cause it to happen all at once."

xXx

"Kanda, can we talk?" Allen asked as he approached the older male in the training hall.

"So you remember everything?" Kanda asked sheathing Mugen. Allen nodded silently as he tried to sort out what he wanted to say. "Listen, it doesn't mean anything I was just-"

"Kanda, the things I told you…can you pretend it never happened?" Allen said hesitantly, hands fidgeting and eyes glued to the floor. Kanda was silent as he felt his anger spike. He didn't want Allen to tell him that, the boy had remembered and now he was regretting everything? He wasn't sure if it was his pride or simply his own selfishness but he wanted Allen to deal with this and not hide away like he'd been doing all his life.

"Che, as if you need to tell me that, I already forgot everything," Kanda snapped.

"Oh, well then good…" Allen said taking a breath before a smile bloomed upon his features.

"If that's all, get the hell out, I'm trying to train here," Kanda said as he unsheathed Mugen and began his practice.

xXx

"Damn it all!" Kanda hissed as he glared at the amaranth, its delicate petals not showing signs of withering. He could still see Allen's smiling face as he gave him the flower.

_It means never fading, so you'll always be safe._

"Stupid fucking brat!" Kanda snapped as he punched the wall. It hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours since Allen had told him to pretend nothing had happened between them. Night was falling, draping its starry veil across the sky and all he could think about was how Allen had looked lying amongst the soft grass bathed in moonlight.

"Screw this," Kanda grunted as he stalked out of the room.

xXx

"Never fading," Allen whispered as his fingers traced over an amaranth in the same field he recalled Kanda spending time with him in, "I really don't want for it to all just fade away."

He'd come out after speaking to Kanda. Even though he'd regained his memories it all seemed too surreal, like a dream where he was watching his life unfold though he wasn't the one living it. It was silly but he wanted to feel what he had then, that momentary bliss and the childlike assurance that he was safe.

He had actually been grateful to Kanda for what he'd done and what he'd made him feel, but it was unnatural and frightening. In a way Kanda now knew him better than anyone ever had, even Mana, and it was unsettling how vulnerable it made him feel.

"Then why did you tell me to forget?" Kanda asked. Startled silver eyes searched frantically in the direction of the familiar voice, the samurai walking up from the fringe of trees. Mind going blank and heart racing Allen panicked for having voiced his thoughts.

"Sorry did Komui need something? I'll just head back," Allen said making to walk past Kanda only to find himself caught within two warm arms.

"You're shivering," Kanda said tightening his hold on the boy.

"I guess I'm cold," Allen said softly as his gaze fell to the ground a pink flush on his pale cheeks. It wasn't the temperature, though the night had brought cooler winds. It was the fear and uncertainty overtaking his nerves.

"You gave me a flower and told me I'll always be safe," Kanda said, "you know how damnably naïve that sounded?" Allen looked down, expression faltering; unsure of how to respond to the male he'd unintentionally grown closer to.

"Thank you," Kanda said resting his chin atop the tousled snowy locks.

Allen said nothing, stiffening at the affectionate gesture. Standing in a field of flowers under the starry skies in a warm and comforting embrace, Allen relaxed into the warm arms, head resting against Kanda's chest as he listened to the steady heart beat. It was like that night he'd spent in Kanda's room.

In that moment all his anxieties washed away and he was simply there, in a state of undisturbed existence. And he didn't want it to end just yet.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Allen asked hesitantly.

"Why?" Kanda asked feeling all too reminiscent of the few weeks prior when Allen had made a similar request.

"I want to be with you," Allen replied. It wasn't the same response – this one sounded much sweeter to Kanda's ears as he nodded.

_Always _beautiful_. Always _strong_. Always _faithful_. Never _fading_. _Amaranth_. _

_End_

* * *

A/N: Another plot bunny hops onto paper! I had fun with this piece. I was worried that putting that one section at the beginning and then starting the story would be confusing but I liked the effect better. Kind of like in a movie when you see a scene happen then it switches back a couple months or so to show how things led up to that point. I don't know if I managed to pull off a smooth transition so I'd appreciate some feedback on that in particular.

As for the story itself, it was lighter than a lot of my other works and I hope the hints of angst weren't completely lost to the mood changes.

I don't know when my next story will be done, my situation is a bit uncertain – my laptop has been on the fritz and I keep getting kidnapped by relatives *sigh* but whatever, after today there are just eight more days before I get to go home!

Anyway thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed my works.

Comments are welcomed – they make me happy :)


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